The NFL is stupid.

    There… I said it, the powers that be in the NFL are all idiots. They are pushing to get teams into Los Angeles which is admirable because most of them people dont deserve a NFL team.  The problem is the teams they have chosen to head into LA are terrible choices for teams in the long term.  The fanbase of LA will become bored and ignore the teams of they arent competing for titles year in and year out.  Being a Chargers fan i can admit… the Bolts are a ways off from being title contenders for the long term.  So the Chargers will be forgotten quickly once Rivers retires.  The Raiders have as much of a chance at a title in the next 10 years as Tim Tebow being called a good backup choice at QB.  The Rams are just as bad as the Raiders.  So the idiots at the NFL want to bring in one mid tier team and 2 bottom tier teams to a stage that will demand titles now. 
   Heres what the NFL should be doing.  Bring the Seahawks, Packers, or Patriots to LA.  With the Seahawks you have a fanbase who really are just fair weather fans and will be gone at the drop of a hat…  they should be the top choice because of how dynamic they are. They will bring a shitload of fans out to the games in LA.  The Packers have an absurdly loyal fanbase but the actual local area is so small it wouldnt hurt the bottom line much.  The nationwide fans will still follow and all you lose is Green Bay… which is so tiny it is meaningless.  Lastly the Patriots are well established but getting old.  They will bring the fans out too as they seem to have fans every goddamn where.  Brining in actual top tier teams seems crazy but LA is crazy and it fits perfectly.   

   -Cortical

Its time to fix the NFL.

I got it. I figured out how to totally fix the NFL from top to bottom and make the league and fans happy.  Hear me out.  It makes sense in the end.

   There will be a team in LA no matter how much we dont want it. So i will address this first.  Instead of moving some team and all that bs and to give the NFL full control of the LA teams the league expand by 2 teams. 1 NFC team and 1 AFC team. Both based in LA out of one stadium. We nownhave 17 teams per conference… The league gets LA and LA doesnt have to suffer through Raiders again.   We have LA covered now on to another problem. 

   Shitty teams, even divisonal winners do not deserve to be in the playoffs.  So what we do is now with our expanded leagues we eliminate divisions.  Each team plays each other team in the same conference once. Thats 16 games no bye weeks.  Ties are eliminated you win or lose for tiebreaker purposes.  Record ties for playoff berths are easily solved by head to head seasonal matchup.  NFC teams do not play AFC teams during the regular season anymore.  The playoffs go by top 6 teams by records with 1 and 2 in each conference getting home field and 1 week off going into the playoffs.  No more 8-8 teams in the playoffs.   Basically the playoffs are the same we just dont let the shitty ones in.

   Now with no bye weeks we cannot have thursday night football.  Which is good cause no one likes TNF.  Also we have to cut all london games… give up NFL. The english hate your sport  and will never accept it on thier pitch. (American football ruins fields…) 

   Problem solved.  We all get what we want.  The “rivalry” games have the same meaning because you will need every win now. Not just 8. 

   -Cortical

  

  

What to look for during the #Raiders / #Chiefs Thursday Night Matchup!

Nothing.

  -Cortical

Its time for some #GTAV on #PS4

   Picked up Grand Theft Auto V for my PS4 the other day.  Im not gonna review it as basically its the same game as before.
   I will say the graphics improvements are fucking amazing, my 14 yr old says it looks the exact same as the ps3/360 version.  Its all the little things that add up and make Los Santos look like an actual world.  The blowing garbage, smoke from gunfire/cars/whatever the fuck else produces smoke, the wildlife both in town and out, and the tweaks to add more detail to everything.  My 14yr old is weird and is of that group of weirdos that say graphics dont matter.  Weirdos…
   I have tried the First Person mode and as a Call of Duty player its very jarring to try and play GTAV in this mode as i always default to playing like CoD Hardcore Domination instead of GTAV.  Call it muscle memory, call it i play to much CoD but i just dont like the controls. I have been told to try the fps scheme for the controller, which i will, but i find myself always going 3rd person for a better field of view.  So a different scheme may fuck that up too.  Also Driving in FPS mode is insane.  Some cars have absolute shit for view and are way to fast, where as the motorcycles are fun as hell cause of how fast everything is moving… also dont try the sub in fps mode. Its impossible to see at all. Heh.
   The one thing that irked me at first was the cost.  59.99 for the same game i paid 59.99 for a year ago.  While it has improvements, i didnt feel it was a full price improvement.  The blow was lessened by the inclusion of 1.125 million gta bucks for digital preorder ( 500k for story and 625k for online) so it saved me like 20 bucks if i wanted to buy some monies later.  Rockstar allowed us to transfer our online selves to the new game so thank god… i didnt want to lose the rank 113 and solid gold adder ; ). But the didnt or i didnt see a way to transfer my story save.  Oh well its been a year since i beat it so fuck it ill do it again. (Plus having 500k and knowing every inch of the map has made story way faster).
    So all in all i am super happy with GTAV for PS4.  You got a ps4 and gtav? Hit me up online (Name: SquirrelPope on PSN) we can romp or do missions or you can join me in the stupid shit we do for our youtube videos. Episode 30 is coming soon.

   -Cortical

The #NFL… sigh…

You probably hadnt noticed but i am now on my 3rd week of not putting out Totally Uninformed on football picks. There is a reason and yeah… words.

   Between the Chargers skid getting me down a bit the season itself has been brutally unwatchable.  I live near Chicago so i have had to watch the lolbears give up 106 points in 2 games. But every other game is either a ground out penalty fest where the only ball movement comes from 5 yrd and a first down holding penalties or 10 yard false start calls… or the game is one team scoring at will and the other team sucking.  There shouldnt be this many games with 30+ point differences.  I dont rememeber a season off the top of my head with this many blowouts.
   Between overpaid athletes and grossly overpaid owners, game prices getting near 800 bucks for 2 people to go to a game and just the general crappyness of games (i swear weeks 1 through 10 are just preseason as well) i find myself watching actual football instead.  Yes they flop (as they do in the nfl every fucking week) but the games are intense and relentless.  Theres no timeouts, no commercials, no long drawn out stoppage for penalties for some idiot zebra to point and explain how hes blowing the call.

   So for now, the NFL exists, i watch my chargers but i just cant waste my time enjoying all the other games like i used too.

   -Cortical
P.S. #BoltUp

Garrisons: A World of Warcraft story.

So last night i was chillin in my garrison sending my followers on deadly missions and building all the things.  I was getting ready to fly off to go help Durotan spank some janky iron horde bitches when out of the corner of my eye i see the Sergeant with the all to familiar ! over his head. 
   I walk over to see what thing the silly orc wants and he was a like “champion… holy fucking shit!  I got all this shit and then these bitches started showing up and we need to fuck thier shit up asap!”  I was all like, whhhhaaaaat.  Then suddenly some jerkybaby motherfuckers showed up and started picking on my guards.  It was on.
   There was much fighting, this was but a probe force to see what we were doin, suddenly the whole place erupts in fighting.  Shits exploding everywhere, bad guys are all up ons.  Then during the heat of the battle a pussy ass hylek shows up all “im gonna shoot fire from the sky cause im a bitch who cant fight like a man”  which is ok cause i got a big ass rifle and a demon hippo, together  we put that winged bitch in his place.  During the tussle of all things thw alliance sends a spy… really, yall are still butthurt over the azeroth chopper thing.  Well fuck you dwarf, we tracked his ass down and put a few dozen bullets in his ass. 
   The fighting went on for what seemed like forever and just when we thought we had won, the JB boss shows up and procedes to get served up on a platter to demon hippo.  We heal our wounded and i thank the sergeant for warning me of the fight.  We won the day and it was fucking epic.

   Garrisons…  fucking awesome.

   -Cortical
P.S. SWEARING!

World of Warcraft is fun again.

 

Ignore the complaing children, dont fret over queues, and stop stressing over bugs.  Why you ask? Because mother fucking WoW is fun again.

   While yes, its still WoW theres something different this time, maybe its that hint of Burning Crusade underneath it all, or perhaps its the newness of Garrisons, whatever it is, Blizzard has managed to make WoW enjoyable again.  
   So if you are on the fence about WoW i can only say that they have done right this time, anx while as expected theres kinks to iron out i say get off the damn fence and get your butt down to Azeroth again and play. Theres tons o people back, you again can meet, talk, and even quest around with random people again, i even had a conversation with a random person last night!
   Anyways, im stuck at work so im stuck at level 93 for now. So enjoy your weekend and come on back to WoW.  Its what all the cool kids are doing.

   -Cortical

Handheld consoles are dead.

   The concept of handheld consoles are dead.  The next couple of years will be sony and nintendo try to milk out every last dime from the Vita and 3DS as the handheld console market dies.  Its been slowly coming as phones and application store with thier cheap games and bullshit have run handheld consoles out of the stadium.
   Really though it has nothing to do with the games avaliable or what the system/phone can do and it has more to do with what it was designed for.  Lets use this example, if i am at work and i decide i want to fluff off and play games all i have to do is pull my phone out of my pocket and play. While i can hear you now “you can just pull out a 3DS or Vita too”  yes, i can but if my boss comes around the corner suddenly and sees me holding my Vita to my face im fucked cause he knows im not working.  Where as if im holding my phone up like every damn human at any job is it  can be instantly played off as writing an email or even texting a loved one with a quick response.  Either way thats the end of it and when the boss moves on you are back to games and no one is the wiser.  Handheld consoles are dead because they chose not to even try to adapt to a changing landscape. 
   Imagine if they added phone capabilities to the Vita… i mean hell, most phones are now bigger than a Vita so thats not the big deal. I would throw this Note 3 out in a second for a Vita with 4g and the ability to make calls/text.  Its all about the stealth gaming now.  People arent going to spend money on a mobile system if they can really only use it at home. Dont get me wrong i lovey Vita, but it would be even more awesome if i could use it for something more.
   Unless there is change i dont see the handheld system market lasting beyond the 3DS/Vita era.  Which makes me sad cause I have spent the better portion of my life with a true handheld system at my side at all times.

   -Cortical
  

Totally Uninformed: Week 8 2014 #NFL game #Picks

I have come to the conclusion that anyone saying a game is a lock or for sure win hasnt watched any football this year.  No one is a for sure winner anymore.

   Even the Legion of Boom couldnt stop the hapless Rams… no one saw that coming.

Thursday Night:
San Diego Chargers vs. Denver Broncos
   So all we hear about in news and ads for the game is that the broncos are playing tonight.  Yet almost every  ad doesnt say who they are playing.  Even with SD on TNF i still say TNF sucks.  Also, as i said week 2, the chargers always play to the level of the competition.  Tonight is no different.
San Diego 27 – Denver 24

Sunday:
Detroit Lions vs. Atlanta Falcons
  No one cares… at all. 
Detroit 25 – Atlanta 17

St. Louis Rams vs. Kansas City Chiefs
   Who do the Rams think they are? Im guess a letdown is in order now as the Chiefs come ready to play after the big win vs SD last week.
Kansas City 30 – St. Louis 20

Houston Texans vs. Tennessee Titans
   I cant believe they are still allowing Tennessee to play football… Houston will win but it wont be pretty…
Houston 17 – Tennessee 12

Minnesota Vikings vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
  The excitement for this game is absurd forget Manning and Rivers… forget anything else, instead come watch what bad football looks like.
TB will feel like losing less as these who gets the top draft pick in 2015 juggernauts battle.
Tampa Bay 21 – Minnesota 14

Seattle Seahawks vs. Carolina Panthers
   Who knows wtf will happen here.  Shitty Seattle might show up… even so shitty seattle is light years better than top shelf carolina.
Seattle 30 – Carolina 10

Baltimore Ravens vs. Cincinnati Bengals
    We all understand now that the Bengals are just a slightly above average team right? 
Baltimore 23 – Cincinnati 10

Miami Dolphins vs. Jacksonville Jaguars
   Every part of me wants to ride the Jaguars bus after their big win against Cleveland. Alas, it is not to be this week.  Miami easy.
Miami 34 – Jacksonville 3

Chicago Bears vs. New England Patriots
   Yep… even with Cutler the bears suck past week 7.  Although i am surprised he is still playing. 4 picks this week is in the forecast.
New England 31 – Chicago 19

Buffalo Bills vs. New York Buttfumbles
  Percy who?  Doesnt matter because there is Orton.
Buffalo 19 – New York 17

Philadelphia Eagles vs. Arizona Cardinals
   Fuck you Filthydelphia for not being better than the Cowboys…
Arizona 23 – Philadelphia 20

Oakland Raiders vs. Cleveland Browns
   Awww snap. We got another fine ass football game here.  You cant evem handle it as Cleveland continues to hand out wins to winless teams.
Oakland 20 – Cleveland 14

Indianapolis Colts vs. Pittsburgh Steelers
   Terrible towels represnt everything Pittsburgh as in how terrible the team really is.  They are no match for the Colts.
Indianapolis 34 – Pittsburgh 19

Green Bay Packers vs. New Orleans Saints
   Its great to watch the Aints play aint it?  Cause they aint gonna beat Rodgers and the Pack.
Green Bay 31 – New Orleans 24

Monday Night:
Washington Redskins vs. Dallas Cowboys
   Hell ya… cowboys vs indians.  Except these indians are armed with a Colt.  Dallas is due for a loss and today is that day. 
Washington 21 – Dallas 20

   There ya have it kids.  Week 8 is in the books.  Hope you all have a kick ass football weekend and #BoltUp tonight.
   -Cortical

   

  

Totally Uninformed: Week 7 2014 #NFL game #Picks

Better late than never.  Lets just start this out by saying until the Dallas Cowboys finish better than 8 and 8 i am not considering them a top 5 team.  I dont care if they beat the seahawks.

   The Raiders gave us a scare last week.  Thankfully super hero Jason Verrett swooped in and saved us all at the last minute. 
   Anyways enough rambling, i only got 20 minutes to write this thing.

   Thursday Night (boo)
New York Buttfumbles
          Vs.
New England Patriots
  Watch Bones and then take an early night to go to bed.  This one will hurt to watch.
New England 37 – New York 17

   Sunday
Atlanta Falcons
          Vs.
Baltimore Ravens
  The battle between the teams that smushed the Buccaneers.  Sadly for the Falcons today wont be their day as the Ravens roll.
Baltimore 26 – Atlanta 17

Tennessee Titans
          Vs.
Washington Redskins
   Maybe NBC is showing swimming?
Washington 19 – Tennessee 14

Seattle Seahawks
          Vs.
St. Louis Rams
  After an embarrassing home game vs the cowgirls the Seahawks get to play the up and down Rams in a game that will be called “a good morale boost for the seahawks”
Seattle 30 – St. Louis 20

Cleveland Browns
          Vs.
Jacksonville Jaguars
  Cleveland has been playing hard and turned out to be a not crappy team.  Jacksonville has been really bad and as of late has just played bad. I think this week is when they step up to mediocre and shock the Browns with average game planning and somewhat consistent play.  The Browns won thier super bowl and will fuck this game up and remind thier fans that they are still the Browns.
Jacksonville 21 – Cleveland 17

Cincinnati Bengals
          Vs.
Indianapolis Colts
   Shoot out here we come!  If you like scoring this is your game.  The NFL wants every game to be this way.
Indianapolis 40 -Cincinnati 35

Minnesota Vikings
          Vs.
Buffalo Bills
  2 teams in the middle of below average seasons meet to figure out who is gonna get a better draft pick.
Buffalo 16 – Minnesota 14

Miami Dolphins
          Vs.
Chicago Bears
  After their discount doublechecking by the Packers they get to take on the Packs twin brother the Bears.  Expect a similar result.
Chicago 23 – Miami 20

New Orleans Saints
          Vs.
Detroit Lions
   Whatever, the Aints suck and literally 17 people care about the Lions.
Detroit 30 – New Orleans 24

Carolina Panthers
          Vs.
Green Bay Packers.
   Now Carolina gets to watch how a real QB plays and wins. 
Green Bay 27 – Carolina 20

Kansas City Chiefs
          Vs.
San Diego Chargers
   This game is big.  The Chargers mired with injuries and barely skating past the LolRaiders last week now get to take on a rested Chiefs team that is not a pushover.  This one makes me nervous because it could go either way really easily
San Diego 30 – Kansas City 28

Arizona Cardinals
          Vs.
Oakland Raiders
  The LolRaiders showed last week they have the ability to hang around.  Can they do it over and over or was last week a flash in the pan? Gonna be a tough one for the Raiders.
Arizona 24 – Oakland 17

New York Giants
          Vs.
Dallas Cowboys
  Tale of two teams here. One was embarassed and the other pulled out a gutsy win. The non stop cowboy chatter all week has driven me mad…

Its the perpetually 8 and 8 cowboys. Stop crowning them after week 6.  Good lord…
New York 27 – Dallas 24

San Francisco 49ers
          Vs.
Denver Broncos
   Sorry niners, your inconsistent play will be your downfall here. I am smelling a record not only broken but crushed. 
Denver 38 – San Francisco 14

Monday Night
Houston Texans
          Vs.
Pittsburgh Steelers
  Im sure on paper before the season started this was an awesome matchup.  But the Steelers suck and the Texans can only play JJ Watt for so many downs.  Expect to be watching Scorpion or something.
Houston 17 – Pittsburgh 13

Bye week: Eagles, Buccaneers  (thank god)

Thats football… i am always right except when im wrong.

-Cortical

Ps… fuck the cowboys