Welp, football happened. I said some stuff would happen and it did and sometimes it didn’t. What can ya do… at least I’m not the Jets.
Lets get this over with because i want to enjoy all your tears as long as possible when i say stuff you don’t like.
Thursday Night “Football”:
On paper i can hear you all now… “finally the routes will end tonight! this will be a good game” WRONG! Look at all the games, outside of the steelers/ravens game all were Team A with a professional QB and good team work ethic vs Team B who has a suspect QB and a young question mark team. Team A looks prepared Team B gets fucked in the ass. This is what we have here. The Colts will be pros and be ready and the Texans will wander the field until they are screaming GAME OVER MAN, GAME OVER!
Indianapolis 40 – Houston 12
Thank the holy maker i will be at work and have no chance of accidently seeing this game on TV. No one cares, not even the players Moms, everyone is just like “play your game and quietly tell us who won without any details please”
Pittsburgh 15 – Cleveland 6
New England Patriots
I am so sorry Buffalo, you guys get to be the Pats smack doll this week, you can thank the idiot press making Brady all mad and shit. If you score more than 10 points outside of garbage time i will be shocked. but go ahead and carry Schwartz off the field again… he will need the help after the pounding you will all take.
New England 36 – Buffalo 19
Carolina sucks and no amount of words that dont involve the sentence Carolina Panthers: Super Bowl Champions will change my mind. They got lucky as INT Jay showed up last week. The Bengals just had an ill timed game against mad Brady. They are still a force.
Cincinnati 31 – Carolina 20
Hey Jags mascot, next time write “Towels have Oakland Fans” instead. cause that’s worse and wont land you in the hot seat. I thought for sure last week would be the Blake Bortles party. but it wasnt. This week vs a shitty Titans team who might be as bad as the Raiders. Let the Blake Bortles Era begin!
Jacksonville 19 – Tennessee 13
Green Bay Packers
R E L A X… The Pack win easily.
Green Bay 28 – Miami 17
Yeah… this game is probably the hardest game to pick. So i will wing it and say
Minnesota 19 – Detroit 19 (Yes, a Tie!)
New York Buttfumbles
Week two of the shut out streak continues Peyton throws 6 TDs.
Denver 38 – New York 0
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Again watch as the Bucs take another team to the edge, but this time they are at home and come out with a win. They arent as bad as everyone thinks they just got caught in the short week shitstorm that is TNF,
Tampa Bay 22 – Baltimore 19
San Diego Chargers
Fresh off their ball funeral, the Raiders… what am i saying… fuck the Raiders. even the injury ravaged Chargers have no worries here
San Diego 25 – Oakland 3
Is Hester playing? i hope so cause i got a feeling hes gonna shove it up the Bears ass. Chicago is a poor ass team that has a second rate over hyped QB. Jay Cutler is just what would happen if Rex Grossman could have thrown the ball further than 20 yards. Bears choke, Cutler throws 3 picks.
Atlanta 21 – Chicago 14
Really… in the 12th man noise Romo throws 4 picks and people go back to wondering why he a NFL QB again.
Seattle 33 – Dallas 10
Does Arizona even have a QB anymore? Does it matter vs the Redskins? Will anyone watch this game?
Arizona 17 – Washington 14
New York Giants
With the sudden influx of new fans that have always been Giants fans and not Jets fans but forgot to cheer i guess the Giants come out swinging and Dur Dur Manning has a lights out game Like play him if hes your fantasy guy and shit.
New York 34 – Philadelphia 31
Monday Night Football
San Francisco 49ers
St. Louis Rams
HAHAHAHA MNF gets the shaft with a crappy matchup! get some flex scheduling for these guys. It wont be a game Mister Overrated Colin Kapernick will look like a great player and the Niners walk on the Rams
San Francisco 30 – St. Louis 19
BYE WEEK: Saints and Chiefs
There ya go again! 6 weeks in a row. Look, this isnt that hard, why do you sports writes act like this shit is hard. Its like weather predicting, just say whatever and if your right…gloat, if your wrong just chalk it up to bad forecasts or something! Im gonna be a sports writer if i ever decided to grow up… EDITOR! HELP TYPOS!