Week 1 is here and while I wont guarantee it, I will try to update this weekly. With that said… lets go!
Green Bay Packers
Welcome back NFL! Heres the Packers getting creamed for opening night..
Seattle 38 – Green Bay 13
New Orleans Saints
Watch as Brees and the Aints dismantle the weaker division foes until they switch to an actual competitive game.
New Orleans 45 – Atlanta 23
St. Louis Rams
Really… no one but the players families will be watching this game.
St. Louis 13 – Minnesota 9
Will Johnny Football make his debut in the NFL? Will Cleveland not suck?
Will I give a shit about this game?
Find out or not this Sunday!
Pittsburgh 12 – Cleveland 6
Yes kids, the Jags are still a team in the NFL. The rumors of them moving to Europe are totally untrue! Fucking exciting I know. Watch as Filthydelphia plays a crappy team.
Philadelphia 27 – Jacksonville 7
New York Jets
Are you fucking kidding me? Who came up with this gem of an opening week matchup. Fuck this game.
The fans lose… this abomination of a game shouldnt happen
Ok, this could be a good game… if it wasnt week 1 and everyone still is rusty and scared of being hurt right out the gate.
Cincinnati 21 – Baltimore 17
Sadly for Buffalo they have to play the Bears while they are still good, if only they got them in week 10 after Cutler gets hurt and they suck again.
Chicago 30 – Buffalo 17
Yeeehaw!!!! Nothing Texans like more than beating up a bunch of Redskins. Sadly the Texans are terrible so they get killed instead.
Washington 17 – Houston 0
Kansas City Chiefs
Chiefs win because thats what they do early on to make sure when they choke it hurts all that much more.
Kansas City 19 – Tennessee 9
New England Patriots
I have the Dolphins being a contender this year. This could be a good game if they keep Brady under control. They wont but hey, stranger things have happened
New England 34 – Miami 23
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Is superman still whining like a baby? I dont know. Either way hes overrated so whatever.
Tampa Bay 20 – Carolina 10
San Francisco 49ers
Hahahahhahahhahahhahahahhaa….. really…. hahahahahhahahaha……
San Francisco 38 – Dallas 9
The only team that Peyton hasnt beaten is back. And yeah it wont happen this time either. Luck is the man vs Manning
Indianapolis 26 -Denver 23
New York Giants
Maybe if you let both the Giants and Jets teams play at the same time vs the Lions they might win. But its not, the Giants suck, fuck them.
Detroit 35 – New York 17
San Diego Chargers
In the oddball game of the week the Chargers go to Arizona to play the Cardinals the week after the Cardinals came to San Diego to play the Chargers in week 4 preseason. We will finally get to see all the new parts in the Bolts Machine in motion as the Thunder Bolts and Lightning will light up the sky and scoreboard.
San Diego 29 – Arizona 10
There ya go… week 1 in the books. Go place your bets now cause you are gonna win for sure!