Totally Uninformed: Week 1 2014 NFL game picks

Week 1 is here and while I wont guarantee it, I will try to update this weekly.  With that said… lets go!

Week 1 Schedule

Thursday Night:
Seattle Seahawks
           Vs.
Green Bay Packers
Welcome back NFL!  Heres the Packers getting creamed for opening night..
Seattle 38 – Green Bay 13

Sunday:
New Orleans Saints
           Vs.
Atlanta Falcons
Watch as Brees and the Aints dismantle the weaker division foes until they switch to an actual competitive game.
New Orleans 45 – Atlanta 23

Minnesota Vikings
              Vs.
St. Louis Rams
Really… no one but the players families will be watching this game.
St. Louis 13 – Minnesota 9

Cleveland Browns
              Vs.
Pittsburgh Steelers
Will Johnny Football make his debut in the NFL? Will Cleveland not suck?
Will I give a shit about this game?
Find out or not this Sunday!
Pittsburgh 12 – Cleveland 6

Jacksonville Jaguars
               Vs.
Philadelphia Eagles
Yes kids, the Jags are still a team in the NFL. The rumors of them moving to Europe are totally untrue!  Fucking exciting I know.  Watch as Filthydelphia plays a crappy team.
Philadelphia 27 – Jacksonville 7

Oakland Raiders
             Vs.
New York Jets
Are you fucking kidding me?  Who came up with this gem of an opening week matchup.  Fuck this game.
The fans lose… this abomination of a game shouldnt happen

Cincinnati Bengals
              Vs.
Baltimore Ravens
Ok, this could be a good game… if it wasnt week 1 and everyone still is rusty and scared of being hurt right out the gate. 
Cincinnati 21 – Baltimore 17

Buffalo Bills
         Vs.
Chicago Bears
Sadly for Buffalo they have to play the Bears while they are still good, if only they got them in week 10 after Cutler gets hurt and they suck again.
Chicago 30 – Buffalo 17

Washington Redskins
               Vs.
Houston Texans
Yeeehaw!!!! Nothing Texans like more than beating up a bunch of Redskins.  Sadly the Texans are terrible so they get killed instead.
Washington 17 – Houston 0

Tennessee Titans
             Vs.
Kansas City Chiefs
Chiefs win because thats what they do early on to make sure when they choke it hurts all that much more.
Kansas City 19 – Tennessee 9

New England Patriots
             Vs.
Miami Dolphins
I have the Dolphins being a contender this year. This could be a good game if they keep Brady under control. They wont but hey, stranger things have happened
New England 34 – Miami 23

Carolina Panthers
             Vs.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Is superman still whining like a baby?  I dont know. Either way hes overrated so whatever.
Tampa Bay 20 – Carolina 10

San Francisco 49ers
             Vs.
Dallas Cowboys
Hahahahhahahhahahhahahahhaa….. really….  hahahahahhahahaha……
San Francisco 38 – Dallas 9

Indianapolis Colts
         Vs.
Denver Broncos
The only team that Peyton hasnt beaten is back. And yeah it wont happen this time either. Luck is the man vs Manning
Indianapolis 26 -Denver 23

Monday Night:

New York Giants
        Vs.
Detroit Lions
Maybe if you let both the Giants and Jets teams play at the same time vs the Lions they might win.  But its not, the Giants suck, fuck them.
Detroit 35 – New York 17

San Diego Chargers
          Vs.
Arizona Cardinals
In the oddball game of the week the Chargers go to Arizona to play the Cardinals the week after the Cardinals came to San Diego to play the Chargers in week 4 preseason.  We will finally get to see all the new parts in the Bolts Machine in motion as the Thunder Bolts and Lightning will light up the sky and scoreboard. 
San Diego 29 – Arizona 10

There ya go… week 1 in the books.  Go place your bets now cause you are gonna win for sure! 

   -Cortical

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