Totally Uninformed: NFL week 5 2012 picks!

Good Morning!  Still recovering from an exciting week of NFL action.  Got to listen to the full Chargers game this weekend with it being on early while at work, it was an awesome game.  Made being stuck at work all day much better.  Seeing the Jets get shut out, the Pats scoring 52 points and no Steelers football last week made the lack of scrub refs easier to deal with.  Love em or hate em you have to accept the fact that without the scrub refs there wouldnt have been football this year yet, and without them fucking up so amazingly there may not have even been a contract yet and we would all be sitting here wishing we had ANY NFL action at all.  So thanks scrubs for dealing with the fucking asshole announcers (no really, fuck every single one of you for how you talked about these guys) and the douchebag coaches who just rode these poor guys (and girl). I hope you all had a good time on the big stage and if you get more training I hope some of you make it back someday. Without any more sobbing over the scrub refs being gone let’s get or week 5 freak on!

Our Thursday night game is the 4-0 Cardinals (yeah, I cant say it with a straight face either) vs the Rams.  The Rams just seem so lackluster, they are good enough to make the games close but are nowhere near ready to actually win the tough games.  This will be a tough game, the Cardinals will win this in a game that will look closer than it really was.

Arizona Cardinals 24 – St. Louis Rams 17

Sigh… after a week reprieve from Shittsburgh Steelers football we get the battle of probably the two shittiest fan bases in the NFL. I hate to root for a Vick lead team but I want the Steelers to fucking lose just enough games that they don’t ever get a good draft pick again and fall into mediocrity forever!!! Yeah, I don’t like the Steelers. Get over it.

Philadelphia Eagles 20 – Pittsburgh Steelers 19

The Colts are not nearly ready to take on even a shaky Packers team.

Green Bay Packers 37 – Indianapolis Colts 10

The battle of who the fuck cares.  The Browns are tough, but not tough enough to finish the games.  The Giants play nearly as boring of football as the Steelers. Defense wins championships but sucks to watch. The Giants will take care of the Browns.

New York Giants 23 – Cleveland Browns 16

The Falcons will walk into Washington and pummel Griffin and the Redskins.  This wont even be a game.

Atlanta Falcons 44 – Washington Redskins 3

This could wind up being a very exciting game to watch.  Both teams are just good enough to make a game out of it against anyone but lack the ability to win.  Something has to give although if there ever was a game with tie (Yes Donovan, ties can still happen in the NFL) this would be that game. So that’s how im going. No one wins

Miami Dolphins 27 – Cincinnati Bengals 27 (tie)

Oh good lord, After how well the Chiefs played against the San Diego defense, going up against the Ravens should result in a 15 turnover game.  If you like watching one team get beaten to fucking hell then you will love this game!  Ravens roll, Ray Lewis howls a lot, and Ed Reed intercepts 2 passes.

Baltimore Ravens 35 – Kansas City Chiefs 0

I really don’t know much about these teams at all, save for the Seahawks and that whole Monday night thing.  Panthers win this one in spectacular last-minute heroics

Carolina Panthers 19 – Seattle Seahawks 16

Yeah, I don’t see this one ending well for the Jags. They should have tried harder to get Tebow during the off-season! Bears coming of the high of intercepting Tony Romo to death will roll into Jacksonville and win easily.

Chicago Bears 31 – Jacksonville Jaguars 20

Oh man!  Manning vs Brady, this is the so-called game of the week.  While yes its the QB battle we wanted, Manning isn’t on the Colts anymore and neither team is as good as the teams of old were.  Will still be fun to watch but really it wont be as exciting as the NFL is trying to hype it to be.

New England Patriots 34 – Denver Broncos 27

After the smack down the Bills were handed last week I have less faith in how good the truly are.  Just another low midlevel team.  The Niners will tack on a pile more points on the Bills Points Against stat this week.

San Francisco 49ers 44 – Buffalo Bills 21

The NFL scheduling gods have given the Vikings a free win this week and some stat padding time for Jared Allen.

Minnesota Vikings 30 – Tennessee Titans 13

Sunday Night Football!  Mah Bolts roll into the giant toilet know as New Orleans the play some dome ball.  The Aints aren’t as bad as their 0-4 record says.  But sadly they get to be 0-5 now as the Chargers roll them over, I’m hoping they stop Brees’s TD streak but that would be foolish as Brees is just too damn good.

San Diego Chargers 33 – New Orleans Saints 28

The Jets need a spark cause right now they are hurting bad, the ship needs to be righted or they wont win another game this season.  Theres only one true hero that can save the Jets. Only one man can shoulder the team on the big stage, Monday Night Football and lead them to total victory.  TEBOW!  Yes, Tim Tebow NEEDS to start this game, Thats the only way the Jets win.  If you start Sanchez then just use Tebow more it’s not the same thing.  Tebows true power comes from starting over your first choice at QB that season.  The Texans rock, but will not be able to overcome a Tebow start.  With that said I have 2 picks for this game cause it all depends on what the Jets do.

If Tebow starts: New York Jets 24 – Houston Texans 21 (OT)

If Sanchez starts: Houston Texans 31 – New York Jets 23

There ya go!  Got some picks there that you can take to the bank!  Go NFL yeah!  Have a good weekend of NFL action and may all your teams do well (but lose if I picked them to lose… sorry, it must be this way… nothing personal and all) and may all the players not on the Steelers avoid injury.

Bye Week: Cowboys, Lions, Raiders, Buccanners

-Cortical

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