PSA: Chainsaws, zombies, and you.



   This is my chainsaw.  Its a Stihl MS260.  Its a great all purpose saw, its light and small enough not to kill you after a day of lugging it around or climbing with it.  Its big enough to deal with most any tree or shrub I come into contact with at work.  It is a durable saw, it has been dropped, tossed, and even ripped from my hands and flipped into the air while running (which is scary as fuck by the way) and never once broken beyond what I cant fix.  What this saw is not, it is not an elite zombie killing machine.  Matter of fact, no fucking chainsaw is. 
   So many people know so little about these things, they are finicky, they require constant maintenence, and go dull in almost no time if you misuse them.  And guess what, everything you would do with a chainsaw while zombie killing is misusing it.
   Lets break down a chainsaw a bit.  Perhaps you have never seem some of the inner workings of one.


With the cover off.


A bit closer.

   Ok, you might be wondering how long its been since I cleaned it.  This was two days of work in the forest clearing it.  It was spotless before then.  This is just grass, weeds, and other little things in the forest, they pretty much gum up the entire thing and can cause the saw to stop spinning.  Its just simple easy to tear up grass.  Now why am I showing you this?  Imagine if you will… You stuck this spinning saw into a zombie.  It would gut that motherfucker.  But every single tendon and muscle fiber would get pulled into here and would stop the saw in no time… If mere grass can do it, i guarantee the much tougher tendons of a human would have no trouble.  You will get a few kills… Then you will have to ask the zombies to stop while you dismantled the saw to clean it out.  Good luck, zombies listen to directions about as good as a temper tantruming 2 yr old.
   Next up you have to carry with you a multitude of things just to keep the saw running. 


  This is just the minimum.  I would reccomend an extra bar, and atleast 2 extra chains.  The gas is 2 cycle, so you need oil to mix the gas as well.  You are looking at a lot of extra gear.  The bar oil you will go through as fast as the gas, especially cause once you start hitting bones its gonna need more oil.  Then this is where your extra chains will be needed.  Bone is not like wood. Bone is harder, bone will dull your blade fast or even outright break the teeth off the chain, thats bad.
   Since it is the zombie apocolypse, safety may not be your primary concern, but chaps and a face sheild might also be in your list of tools.  I might reccomend the face sheild since zombie juice will be everywhere when your cutting.  You never know how zombieism is contracted… Also, who wants that shit in their eyes?  Even in the apocolypse, Safety First should be the rule!
   So, should the zombie apocolypse happen, or perhaps demons from hell spring from the necronomicon to kill all of humanity, I suggest you avoid the desire to pretend your Ash, and only use the chainsaw for clearing the way or to build a fortress and get yourself a high powered and preferably automatic gun.

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