So were a few days away fron Christmas, and like many of you my thoughts turn to the impending zombie apocolypse. This year I have been trying to sort out a good emergency plan of action incase the zombies are upon us.
First off, if you dont already have guns and ammo ready, you are as good as dead. If your plan begins with heading to a gun store to get a weapon i will thank you now for being the first one eaten. Having a small stockpile ready goes a long way. Make sure its portable too, if you cant carry it you probably dont need it. Also, make sure you got something with real penetrating power. Zombies like to come in waves, meaning one bullet can take out 3 or 4 zombies. Pre testing guns is a must so you find something that works for you.
Now heres where my plans tend to vary slightly from other peoples. My first order of business after the zombies start coming is to find a base of operation. One would think walmart, or target (being at a place named TARGET sounds like a bad idea in any situation.) or any of the other stores with supplies. And yes its a good idea for the short term. But time will win as the zombie horde grows to overwhelm your fortress of savings. Me, i will be making a beeline for the nearest old folks home. I will be rounding up as many semi healthy ones as i can and moving out for another old folks home. Now I know what youre thinking… Why old people, they are useless. I beg to differ. Many of them are combat veterans, they know how to handle themselves when the shit actually hits the fan (unlike this generation that damn near dies when the power goes out for more than a few hours). Also, the more scary old people actually look like zombies and can be my forward scouts and infiltrators. Having eyes and ears on the horde is invaluble in zombieworld. And finally the very unhealthy old people can be used as fodder to slow the horde down while they feast. I can then move city to city collecting new old people for my army. Theres always old people, i have a near endless supply of troops and zombie food. Now eventually the zombies will realize that i am a huge food supplier and will follow my every movement, and will fall in line as my old person infiltrators turn them to my side. I figure by year 5 i will have a standing army of 50k old people and millions of zombies.
My plan is flawless. You can join me now and be a general in my army or be food to my zombies and/or old people.